books and nonsense

I am in a Very Bad Mood. I probably shouldn't even write in here when I am this grumpy, but I guess I can always delete it later if I start to feel guilty.

Today I am in a Very Bad Mood because the BookFair is on this weekend. Usually this would be a cause for joy, one would imagine, especially for a literature student. We trundled into town, husband and I, all the while wary of the fact that said husband had an all-day RNZAF practise today, for the performance tomorrow. So by the time we found a park within reasonable walking distance, we had exactly 20 minutes to go and look at the glorious rows of tables, stacked high with $2 books. I found some good books, but then realised that the people who were waiting in a queue that snaked its way around the entire gymnasium were waiting to pay. And the 'express line' (10 books or less) was only a bit shorter. So in a very grumpy manner, I put the books down, and we left, empty-handed, weaving our way between people carrying canvas bags, backpacks, suitcases full of books**. Do you understand the wrench that I felt, leaving those hundreds of cheap books behind? Jeremy had to have a haircut before he went to practise, or else the drum major would shave it all off for him (I put my foot down at having that happen again), off the collar and the ears quick march, so I dropped him off at the barber shop and tried to find another park. This is Saturday morning, in Wellington - there are only about 20 parks to start with, which is not nearly enough for the entire city who always decides to have brunch or go shopping when I'm trying to do something in a hurry- well, I exaggerate. There are probably about 100 parks, and only half the city comes out, maybe 80, 000 people.

I walked back up Courtenay Place to meet Jeremy, suitably shorn for $17, and then back to the car, to drive him to the band rooms, because he was already running late. These defence force gigs are always on time, you know. He finishes at 6pm tonight. There is some after-practise party as well, I don't know whether he's going to that. But tomorrow, practise begins again at 9am, runs all day until the concert at 2pm, and he'll probably be home sometime after 6pm again. Tomorrow is Father's Day, and I am on duty at the Hospice. I'm feeling a bit nervous about this, although I have worked Father's Day and Dad's birthday before. I guess the stress I've been (putting myself) under lately has left me feeling washed-out and vulnerable, so I'm not sure how I will react to the patients tomorrow. I always feel bad calling in sick, in fact I've only done it once, but maybe I'll do that tomorrow - I now seem to have some swollen glands also, but this is possibly due to the ear-ache. (Note to self: make appointment with doctor as well as dentist; possible re-infection of glandular-fever-type virus contracted last year?!) Anyway, I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow. In fact, I feel jealous of not only people who will have fathers to spend time with tomorrow, or even to send a card to or make a phone call to, but also I feel jealous of those who do not have fathers, but have the support of their partners/families on this day. I guess I could pay $12 to go and see my husband perform, but that's not exactly the kind of support I'm looking for.

I know his air force commitments bring in a bit of money, and we tend to use this for luxuries like buying some new clothes; this time the money will probably be used to pay my mum back for some car-related costs. But I think Jeremy offers to use it to buy me things because he feels guilty about not being with me more often. I put this question to him last night, and he didn't deny it outright. So I made a list of the things I want, and he said I could have them. Of course, I knew that I wouldn't actually be able to have them (this polka dot blouse I've had my eye on for weeks, a holiday on a tropical island, a new bottle of foundation and various other facial products I am about to run out of, some shoes, to pay my mum back, to pay off both our student loans, some new books, etc etc). I was just trying to prove a point. I can't help my addiction to blouses with small regular dots on them, especially this one particular top in a light chiffon, great for summer - well, an Auckland summer maybe. It only costs $30, but it is $30 that I just don't have right now, because I am saving up for a great pair of leather boots I found for only $70. A bargain. But thats several weeks' "pocket money", by which time they'll probably be sold out. Then I guess I could buy the blouse...



** It actually made me feel a little bit sick in my stomach, to see people being so greedy. The bookfair was raising funds for the Downtown Community Mission, a great cause, so I'm glad the money was spent on something sort-of noble. But the way people were just grabbing books and stuffing them into carry bags made me feel ill. To me, books are to be treasured and read, not owned to fill up bookcases. Okay, that reminds me of something else: I remember reading a article about some book company from whom consumers can buy books that are all colour-coded and bound nicely as to complement your decor. But the difference is, these books are sold by the foot. Books sold by a measurement? I'm sorry, but that is just wrong. A measurement of a book should be the amount of enjoyment gained from reading it, or its educational value, not the way it looks or whether it can make your room look more 'literary'. That makes me sick. Is that what is called conspicuous consumption? Okay, I concede that historically this was the way that some people (the rich ones, of course) filled their gigantic rooms. But there is just no need for that sort of nonsense here in the twenty-first century. I will allow a small concession for film sets, but other than that, it would need to be an extremely convincing argument to get my credit card out. (P.S. I found a link to the site - http://www.strandbooks.com/bbtfoot/ - check out the categories. There are different subject areas [but not very specific - "Art" or "Biographies" or "Fiction"]. With the 'Bargain Books B' category, a steal at only US$30 per foot, you get: "Hardcover books in good, clean condition. You may specify color and/or subject." .... and/or .... I give up.)