the joke has come upon me

Another busy week is beginning, and I have yet again only done about 1/4 of the readings assigned for my Romanticism paper. I have, at least, read the two epic poems ('Tintern Abbey' by Wordsworth and 'Rime of the Ancient Mariner' by Coleridge) that we are discussing in class, and a smattering of the others..

I am currently doubting my suitability for this post-graduate stuff. I have felt my priorities shift since being married (weekends = Jeremy time, and there is a never-ending stream of housework to be done), but surely I am mature enough to plan my time? I'm just feeling dejected (however, this is the perfect mood for reading Coleridge).

Maybe I should quit and go work as a receptionist somewhere. There, that's how I'm feeling - four consecutive years at Uni is making me feel jaded. And I am a teensy bit jealous of Mark and Sarah, who are moving to Boston this weekend, where they will be doing so many fun things (as well as their theses), and creating a new life, and meeting lots of exciting people - I'm really looking forward to travelling with Jeremy, at some as-yet-undetermined time. Or I'd settle for just moving somewhere else, as an extended holiday in Europe seems a bit beyond reach at this time; Auckland, Melbourne, ??

Or perhaps my current mood is due to this endless winter; just when I thought it was getting a bit spring-y, today it is pouring with rain, foggy, windy, and 11 degrees.

Still, I'll keep going to classes, and writing those essays. I managed to get up the courage to collect my last two essays from the first semester, both with A- grades. If I keep this up, I'm looking at first-class Honours... but somehow I'm not sure that I deserve it.

But amongst all this, there is one bright note - my new ipod is lots of fun to use, and I like creating my own world for bus rides (50 minutes to get to Uni); finding the right music for my mood each morning, and making new playlists. Today is a mixture of the quiet Yeah Yeah Yeah songs, some Carpenters, Neil Young, and a bit of Belle and Sebastian.